MHOWving ON #3: Dreams & Realizations

By Mhownai - March 22, 2017

Dreams is a means by which the brain processes emotions, stimuli, memories and information that's been absorbed throughout the waking day.

These past week, I've been dreaming about different scenarios and people. Most of them involves my ex boyfriend (the baby daddy). I also remember one time I dreamt that I'm pregnant again.

When I dreamed about my ex. I forgot what actually happened but I remember that he was in my dream and I am forcing myself to wake up. I immediately searched the meaning why he was appearing in my dreams. I always search for the meaning everytime I had dreams.

It doesn't necessarily mean that when you dreamed about your past is because you still love them. There might be feelings or problems towards the person that you still haven't resolved yet. That's why he/she is appearing in your dreams.

Maybe it was right.

I still have feelings for my ex to be honest, I won't be a hipocrite and we still have unfinished business-- our son. We still haven't talked about how we will be parents to Edmund. He didn't even disclosed any information bmif he'll support Edmund in any way (physically and financially) whenever I ask him he always tell me that I didn't need financial support. He's actually true, I have a job and my parents are here to support whenever. But that's not the point. I am expecting him to atleast see his son once a month or atleast check him up from time to time, but it's been 2 months without any means of communication.

But I'm fine. I know I can do this. Alone. It's better to raise my son alone than raising him in an environment where in my son seems to beg for love and affection for my ex's family. The love that he deserves. I don't want him to experience what I've experienced with his father and his family-- it was unbearable. People like them doesn't deserve to be called humans or animals. They were worse than that. They were even worse than demons. I'm not saying because I'm bitter. It's because it's the only way that I can describe my experience with them.

What do you call to a mother who said to his own grandson that my child was never their responsibility and they didn't liked my child.

Yes. My Ex's mother told that to me face to face.

Let me tell you guys that my son was UNPLANNED. Yes! He was never planned. But I liked and loved this baby, more than anything. My family loves and prioritize my baby more than anything.

I never imagined someone would say that, not even my son's own grandmother.

So what do you call to a person with that attitude? Exactly my point.

So that's why I despise them and I can't wait karma to hit them.

Also, I also remembered having a dream that I was pregnant.

I was really laughing when I woke up. I didn't have someone to make a baby with. I'm single af. But still, I searched for the meaning.

Dreaming about being pregnant means that there will be new aspects, directions and a new chapter in your life. It often times says that you somehow needed to be taken care of or you're yearning for nurture.

This is by far my best dream.

Being left out was really hell and I really am still coping up with a broke up that has not proper closure. But when I read the meaning, somehow I felt a comfort that I will be facing new chapters in my life. I am so excited for the future.

I realized then that people shouldn't be sorry for me or for anyone left out with a kid, because we are stronger than anyone. Raising a child is hard but raising it alone is even harder. But it's more fun because you don't have someone to share the decisions for your child. The whole responsibility and the love ofyiur child will be yours.

I am not so left out alone.

I know that I have someone who will surely take care for me when I got older. And that is my child. These past few weeks I feel so sorry for myself and pity myself for what had happened but when I realized that I have someone who will be with me when I grow old, now, I feel so sorry for my ex. With his attitude, who will take care and love him? I hope he'll find someone who will take care of him more than what I did.

I know that I will be stronger. I will be stronger because conquered this tragedy. I know that when the time comes, Edmund will surely understand me and what happened between me and his dad- why we didn't work out.

By that time. I do hope that I already met my emotional freedom. I hope that by that time. I can be able to face his dad with no anger and by that time. I do hope that I can no longer feel any disgust towards his mother and his family.

But now's not the time. Now's not the time to forgive and I know that I will never forget. The anger was too much that I even want to cast a black magic towards them. But no, I still have my God in me and I know that Karma will soon hit them. Hard.

I will be telling you what exactly happened. Soon.

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