MHOWving On #1: Letting Go

February 21, 2017
I am starting a series that aims to tell my stories on how I'm coping up with this break up. I do hope that I can be able to inspire other people and give them the strength that they needed because whatever it is that you are going through, you can surpass it. Just believe.

Letting go. 

Letting go is really hard, specially when you love someone and invested so much love and attention, when you built a world just for you two and making dreams and goals that will never happened. It was really hard to separate yourself with the person who became your life and became your world.

Mahirap alisin sa sistema and taong nagbibigay ng rason sayo para maging masaya. 

It's more like your happiness is my happiness. I thought that it was really normal that when you love someone, you should give your 100% because that's what I really believe before- that you shoould give up your 110% so that when things didn't work out the way you planned, atleast you have no regrets. But its so wrong! It's okay to give your best but atleast leave something for yourself.

Break-ups are full of shit. 

You'll be bitter. You'll cry until your eyes got swollen. You'll stress eat. You'll get fat. You cannot function well. You just want to sleep.

Break up is bullshit. Everything about breakup is bullshit. (does that make me sound bitter- yes I am)

But what I've learned is in order for you to get back on track, you need to go through all this pain and let go of all the things that made you hurt and the people who caused you to be hurt. What I did was cried and talked to my mom. She also cried with me. My dad? I can see that he's hurt and he's angry but one thing that I am just ever so thankful for him is he never told me "I told you so"

I attended the mass. I seek help from the one who knows everything and planned everythiing for me- God.

I don't know why but it seems that God works his ways that time because the priest's sermon is all about karma and letting go. I've learned that I need to lift everything to him and let him do his ways. I understand that this pain will soon pass and God will give me the karma that I deserve. The priest said that if you do good, God will also repay you with goodness. Karma will works in mysterious ways. God never sleeps and he watches over.

I asked God to take all the pain and the hatred in my heart. I also ask for his guidance for me to raise Edmund with kindness and fear for the Lord. I prayed that God will shower my parents good health. I am just so thankful for them.

What hits me hard is what the priest said that there are 3 kinds of people: stupid, knowledgeable and wise. Stupid people repeats the same mistakes. Knowledgeable people learn from their mistakes and Wise people learn from other people's mistakes.

Lord, please make me wise. 

So from that moment, I let go of all the things that burdens me- things that made me cry and things that hurt. Although that there are times that everything comes back, I am just focusing on what's more important- my son.

I deleted all of our facebook photos and all of my bitter posts. I also deleted all my blog post on why we broke up- it doesn't matter anyway.

I just do hope that I will be able to get back on track and get all my shit together as soon as possible although I'm getting better it's just that there were days that it just hits me and kind of make me back to zero.

What I need is Emotional Freedom- that's what I need to work on.
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